i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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