nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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