his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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