Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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