I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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