I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize