as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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