he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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