Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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