Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize