Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
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Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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