If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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