Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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