so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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