I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
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I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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