Don't make out with my wife yet
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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