New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize