i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
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They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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