I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
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Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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