I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
