Welp...herpes.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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