it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize