life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize