i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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