And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize