I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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