i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize