We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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