bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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