The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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