As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize