if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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