I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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