News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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