Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
vagina is talking i cant
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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