wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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