I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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