i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
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I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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