As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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