hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
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i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
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