onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
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captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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