i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize