You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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