i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize