she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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