even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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