We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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