My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
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How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He shit in the fireplace
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