Cold hands, warm shart.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
