haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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The power of my boobs compel you
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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